So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
