I accidentally burped into my bong.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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