i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
