woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My life is pants optional.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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