i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
