she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
