so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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