Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
