I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
