I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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