Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
