Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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