PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
