i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
