My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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