Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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