so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
