They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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