I love black thongs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
