Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
