I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize