There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
