I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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