Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
