wat bout pragnant strippers??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
