When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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