he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
