got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
