Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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