Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
