you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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