yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
