Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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