Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
