I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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