And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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