Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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