Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
