Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
