remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize