and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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