Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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