Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
