Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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