I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
