I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
