it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
