Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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