Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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