well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
