I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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