We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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