I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
