Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She told me I should be a condom model.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
