Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
