I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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