He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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