Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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