so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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