i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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