He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
