I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
