I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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