you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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