I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
