it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
