Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
